We just finished the first part of the synod in Rome where bishops and other leaders of the Church got together to discuss issues related to marriage and the family.  There didn't seem to be any disagreement about the fact that marriage and the family unit are under great stress these days and that marriage in particular has become greatly undervalued in many parts ot the world.

No big news there.  And no news either about the fact that the Church is divided on these issues, with some moving towards greater openness to those of who have been married and divorced, and those whose sexual orientation the Church has traditionally disapproved and others opposing any changes.

One solution to the problems with marriage and the family which I heard many Church leaders tout was the idea of more and better pre-marriage preparation.  Now don't get me wrong, I think we do not generally do a good job in this area and that doing better preparation would help.  But it is far from a panacea.

Couples about to get married are typically at a stage in their relationship where they won't truly appreciate the difficulties that a marriage inevitably presents.  They can't imagine their intended being cold, distant, or unreasonable.  Sure that happens to others, but their future spouse is perfect, right?  So in that emotional environment, marriage preparation has its limits as a preparation for the reality of marriage.

Of course, if what you really mean by marriage prep is doctrinal education-- making sure people know what the Church commands-- that's different.  You can do that in marriage prep, but I doubt that it will matter much.  Not knowing the rules isn't the cause of marital stress.

But what I haven't heard people discuss is the need for post-marriage education, support, engagement by the Church.  We don't do a terrible job of that.  To say that would be to presume that we're doing something.  The reality is that (with increasingly-rare exceptions) we don't support, educate, uplift, help married couples at all as a Church. And I didn't hear anyone in Rome point to that glaring absence as one of the true reasons why marriage is not properly "valued"as Pope Francis recently said.

Let me suggest that when couples really need help is 5 or 7 or 10 years into their marriages.  That's when problems arise and the reality of marriage as lived experience becomes apparent.  That's when it would be great if the Church could assist couples not with doctrine and rules, but with a set of experiences and tools to build a stronger unity.

The good news is that there are lay people in our Archdiocese who have been working very hard to create and publicize just these sorts of tools.  On the bulletin board at St. Richard's Church there is a flier for a new initiative called "Marriage in Christ." I know one of the creators of the program, Bill Wacker, and he is an outstanding educator, Bible scholar, father and husband who lives in the Twin Cities.  Lest you think this is something that the Church might not approve, I can tell you that there is also a letter from Bishop Piche strongly endorsing this program.

I don't intend just to be a shill for something, but I do think this is a program which we as a parish might want to consider.  There is information on it at www.marriageinchirst.com, and an information session on Friday evening November 14 or Saturday morning, November 15.  

There is a lot of darkness around marriage these  days and it is easy to complain about that.  This might be a way to light a few candles.